Many women know the feeling of having lost their femininity—due to societal pressure, past wounds, or internal blockages. Lost femininity can leave deep marks and affect self-worth, relationships, and joy in life. In this article, you will learn how to rediscover your inner strength, heal old wounds, and cultivate a loving connection to your own femininity.

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It is truly remarkable how many different faces of human suffering a healer encounters in their practice over the years. The following case is about Tina (name changed). Tina was 35 years old and came to see me because she struggled deeply with her self-worth.

She told me that she had been in a relationship with the same partner for ten years, yet they had never been sexually intimate. They didn’t live together either, although his apartment was on the same floor—right next to hers.

They lived side by side, spent time together, but never shared a bed. Even simple forms of affection, such as hugging, were difficult for her—both giving and receiving.

Her partner didn’t seem to mind, but Tina wished things were different. There was something unknown that gnawed at her physical self-worth—something she couldn’t explain. She had experienced similar difficulties with previous partners as well.

As I continued to ask questions, Tina revealed that she had undergone three cosmetic surgeries on her breasts in an attempt to resolve this inner discomfort.

Naturally, I glanced at her chest area. Usually, when women undergo breast surgery, it’s to enlarge them. In Tina’s case, however, I noticed the opposite.

Tina saw my confusion and laughed.

“No,” she said. “I had them reduced.”

I looked at her in surprise.
“Three times?”

“Yes,” she replied. “After each surgery, I felt like they could still be smaller…”

“Was there any medical reason for this?” I asked.

“No,” Tina answered. “Just… psychological, somehow.”

Since our conversation didn’t reveal any further clues about the root of her issue, I decided to begin the healing process and address her subconscious directly.

Using my usual approach, I guided Tina into a relaxed state of awareness through my voice and healing energy. After a few minutes, she entered an alpha state, and the first mental images began to arise.

Soon, she felt fear.

When I asked her why, she initially couldn’t give a clear answer.

So I instructed her subconscious to take her back to the very first moment in her life when she had experienced this feeling of fear.

After a short while, Tina saw herself as a 13- or 14-year-old girl.

I asked her where she was.

Her breathing became faster, her eyelids flickered, her face flushed, and a light sheen of sweat appeared on her forehead.

She was in her room, pacing back and forth—desperate, overwhelmed with fear and panic.

“I’m so scared… so terribly scared…” Tina said, tears running down her cheeks.

“What happened just before this?” I asked gently.

She had just gotten her first period.

And she believed she was going to die.

Her mother had never explained anything to her, so the young Tina had no idea that menstruation was a natural part of growing up.

After some time, the initial shock faded slightly. But she was convinced she must be seriously ill. She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t dare tell anyone—especially not her parents. The shame was overwhelming.

In her family, sexuality was a taboo subject—something that was never spoken about.

How terrible that must have been for her. It’s heartbreaking to imagine a child suffering like that, when a few loving words and simple explanations could have taken away all that fear.

Tina hid her stained underwear under her bed. When the bleeding finally stopped after about a week, she felt immense relief. A huge weight lifted off her shoulders. She desperately hoped it would never happen again.

A few days later, she was playing outside with other children. When she returned home, she saw her mother standing at the open window.

Her mother looked furious and shouted at her to come upstairs immediately.

Panic rose within Tina—she knew her secret had been discovered.

When she entered the apartment, everything erupted. Her father was there as well. Both parents yelled at her, calling her terrible names—words no child should ever hear from their own parents.

Tina wanted to disappear into the ground out of shame and fear.

The accusations seemed endless. As punishment, she was grounded. And afterward, her parents never spoke of the incident again.

Later, Tina gathered the courage to confide in a friend’s mother—a kind and caring woman. She explained everything to Tina and took away her fear and confusion.

Tina’s own mother had never done that.

Who knows what experiences she herself had gone through, that she had such a troubled relationship with her own femininity?

This incident was one of the most painful moments of Tina’s childhood. It also reflected the deeper dysfunction in her relationship with her parents. Their own shame, guilt, and ignorance had been projected onto Tina, causing deep emotional wounds that stayed with her into adulthood.

But as an adult, Tina didn’t just struggle with self-worth.

She had lost her connection to her femininity.

As she grew from a girl into a woman, she began to hide her femininity.

This was intensified by another traumatic experience at the age of seventeen, when she was sexually harassed by a young man in a nightclub. Once again, she felt helpless and exposed.

On a subconscious level, her femininity became something dangerous.

From that point on, she unconsciously feared her own womanhood and sexuality.

This explains why Tina underwent three breast reduction surgeries—not out of vanity, but to hide her femininity, to avoid being seen, to avoid being “discovered”… just as her parents had once discovered her secret under the bed.

Her femininity had become associated not only with fear, but also with deep feelings of guilt and shame.

It had become something threatening.

It also explains why she could be in a relationship with a man—but not truly allow closeness.

Deep within her, there was a belief that it was wrong to be a woman.

Because if she truly allowed herself to be one, the “secret” would surface again. The shame would return. People would judge her.

These are unconscious processes—but they can have immense power over us.

So much power that a person might even undergo unnecessary surgeries just to avoid facing them.

During the healing session, as all of this emerged from Tina’s subconscious into her conscious awareness, she finally understood the true root of her struggles.

And in that moment, she began to heal herself.

At the end of the session, I simply supported her in reconnecting with her inner child—helping her establish a strong, loving bond that she could carry with her from that day forward.

Today, Tina is a confident woman who embraces and values her femininity and sexuality.

Isn’t that beautiful?

Marco Hennings – Biography